BOOKSDRAMA Chapter 177
Chapter 177 Torn Between Choices
Evelyn
I stumbled into my room, a complete wreck, eyes swollen from the tears I couldn't hold back. What I didn't expect was Clara. The
room was bathed in the soft glow of the lamp-so unlike the usual darkness I hid in. She sat on the edge of my bed, waiting, her
presence startling me.
"Clara?" I wiped at my face, trying to clear the tears with shaky hands. But to my surprise, she didn't react-no shock, no
questions. It was as if she'd known.
Of course, she did. Jacob must've told them he was leaving, and they all knew he wouldn't go without saying goodbye to me.
"So, he told you?" Clara's voice was soft, her lips curving into a melancholic smile. Her gaze flickered down to the wine bottle
clutched in my hand, and she let out a resigned sigh. "Drinking won't fix this, Evelyn. Come here."
She stood and opened her arms to me, her gesture so familiar, so full of understanding.
For a moment, I hesitated, afraid that if I let myself fall apart, I'd never be able to stop. But this was Clara-she'd seen me at my
worst, seen every scar and every broken piece I'd tried to hide. Breaking down in front of her wouldn't hurt me. It wouldn't cost
me anything. So, I moved toward her. The moment her arms wrapped around me, something in me shattered. The sob I had
been so determined to keep down erupted, violent and unstoppable. My body convulsed with the force of it.
Fuck! This was exactly why I didn't want to cry. It always fucking broke me into pieces.
"It's alright," she whispered, her hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. "Sometimes, it's okay to not know what to do. To take
more time than you think you should. It's okay to make mistakes, Evelyn. And it's okay to not be okay." Her words were soft, like
No amount of comfort, no distraction, and no drink could numb the ache. I felt hollow inside-ripped apart by guilt. Guilt for hurting
Jacob. Guilt for what Cameron would go through if I followed my heart.
The weight of all the things I couldn't control-the things that hadn't happened yet but would, the things that could-pressed down
on me. I felt like I was drowning in them. I was worried sick. Suffocated.
"I don't know what to do, Clara." My voice cracked between sobs. "No matter what I choose, someone will get hurt. I can't do that
to them. Jacob... I know he's strong, but that doesn't mean I should put him through this. And Cameron... he's done so much,
even knowing that Jacob's always been in my heart. I do love him, but it's not the same. It's never been the same. I have no idea
what the fuck I am supposed to do. I feel trapped."
"Hey, Evelyn. Look at me." Clara gently cupped my face, her thumbs brushing away the tears as she held my gaze. "It's okay to
hurt people sometimes, for your own sake. You need to think about your happiness, sweetheart. Because in the end, if you aren't
whole, life will feel impossible to live. You can't always carry the weight of making everyone else happy. I'm not saying you
should be selfish, but you need to be compassionate with yourself. It's not okay to sacrifice your happiness, to bury what you
want, what your heart craves, for anyone or anything in this world."
"But Clara" My voice cracked, but she didn't let me finish.
"I'm not asking you to choose
between Jacob and Cameron right now, Evelyn, she said softly. "But ask yourself who do you truly want? Who do you believe will
make you happy in the long run? Take your time. There's no rush. What's meant for you-what's written in your destiny-will always
find its way back to you, no matter what. The world will guide you toward it."
Her voice became a whisper, filled with warmth. "You're the most precious thing in our lives, sweetie. You're stronger than you
your heart, okay?" I nodded weakly, sniffling as her words sank in.
"No matter what decision you make,
Samuel and I will always be here. We'll support you through every bit of it," she promised, pulling me into another hug. In her
arms, I found a fleeting sense of peace, a brief reprieve for my aching heart No matter what I lost or gained, I'd always have
Clara and Dad by my side. And that realization, fragile as it was, calmed me a little.
But I still needed more time.
I knew I was taking too long-everyone around me was waiting for a decision. But this wasn't a simple choice to burn and toss
aside. This was my heart. A fragile, wounded heart that had been torn apart once before and feared the storm might come again.
I couldn't rush this. But at the same time... I didn't want to lose Jacob.
My thoughts spiraled, tangled in a mess of confusion and doubt. My heart hammered in my chest as the tears threatened to fall
once more. Clara kept whispering reassurances, telling me that everything would be fine in time. But the storm inside me
wouldn't quiet. Then, suddenly, the vibration of my phone broke through the chaos. I glanced down at the screen, and there it
was-Cameron's text.
"I'll pick you up tomorrow evening, and we'll go to the club together. Be ready on time, beautiful."
It hit me, hard. His words were casual, but hit me hard. Tomorrow was Cameron's birthday. He'd joked earlier that if I missed it,
he'd cancel the whole party, but there had been something serious beneath the joke. I knew it meant a lot to him.
And tomorrow was also the day Jacob was leaving.
I felt like I was being pulled in two
directions-torn between conflicting parts of myself. A small voice in my head, the one I considered
rational or maybe it was just
most foolish-felt a strange net
sense of
relief. At least I'd have somewhere to be, something to keep me busy while the love of my life flew back to Italy.
But that relief felt like a betrayal. A distraction from the fact that the choice I didn't want to make was looming ever closer.